Domestic abuse leaves real painful lives
Photo special to the Outlook
By Jasamine Lee
Special to the Outlook
Some days are better than others for LaToya Bell.
The tough days are the ones where she might hear a loud male voice, a common trigger that tosses her back to the two years that she spent in an abusive relationship.
Bell isn’t healed and that might take some time, but she said she is better these days. The triggers aren’t all that bother her, though.
She occasionally endures being stalked and hearing from the man who left her emotionally scared. He tells her he wants to return to a life with her and their young daughter.
“Experiencing domestic violence feels like being in a Lifetime movie,” said Bell. “My husband was a narcissist and appeared on the outside to be kind, but to me he was mean and hateful.”
Bell is one among thousands of women and some men in Tallahassee and Leon County who live as victims of domestic violence. She tries to help other survivors whenever she could, often telling her story to victims who turn to the Refuge House where she also found help.
There has been a recent uptick in the number of victims locally and nationwide. In the latest update posted by the Refuge House, 33 percent of women have experienced physical violence, rape or stalking by an intimate partner. It also showed that 25 percent of men have experienced either rape or some form of sexual violence.
The most recent per capita number of cases in Leon County shows that there were 824.6 domestic violence offenses per 100,000 residents in 2020. Statewide that number was 492.2.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. Additionally, the violence has resulted in 1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men being injured by an intimate partner.
According to the Coalition’s study, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. Domestic violence is considered a major social problem primarily because it often is the source of depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress disorder, suicide and chronic mental illness.
The violence could include slapping, shoving, and even choking as Bell has experienced.
However, letting go and moving on from the relationship wasn’t easy. It wasn’t until her daughter was born that she decided to leave.
She eventually got an apartment and a car. Bell felt comfortable enough to let the man she once loved back into her life.
Things only got worse, she said. She refused to let her child grow up around the abuse because there was a sense that it could turn tragic. Her resolve was to send her child to live with relatives in Los Angeles.
Her story is filled with inspiration for the time she endured abuse and brevity for being able to navigate the dangers. It’s what she uses in her efforts to advocate for domestic abuse victims whenever or wherever she could.
Not long ago, Bell became an influencer for Mallory DeLoach. She was married to a military veteran for 21 years, a relationship that produced three children.
Her husband’s post-traumatic stress disorder and a brain surgery took a toll on DeLoach’s life. It affected both of them to the point that infidelity became an issue for the couple.
That led to physical altercations that resulted in DeLoach’s husband being arrested. The couples’ children have been affected to point that they have had to seek psychological help to cope with the abuse that they’ve witnessed.
Divorce is an option for DeLoach, but she seemingly struggles with the mental impact the outcome could bring.
“Even though you think you can’t get out you can,” she said. “It’s going to be hard but you can. It’s not going to be ideal but you can do it.
“A lot of times the man doesn’t care about you or the kids. You’ve to get out of your comfort zone.”
There are several resource facilities available to domestic abuse victims in Leon County and Tallahassee. Many of them can be reached 24/7:
Refuge House
24-hour crisis line throughout the Big Bend: (850) 681-2111
Oasis Center for women and Girls
317 E Call St · (850) 222-2747
Brehon Family Services Home
1315 Linda Ann Dr · (850) 656-7110
Florida Council Against Sexual Violence
1820 E Park Ave No. 100 · (850) 297-2000
Domestic Violence Shelter – Salvation Army
410 Allen Rd, Tallahassee, * (850) 222-0304
FSU, TCC and FAMU also offer services for domestic abuse victims. Available law enforcement agencies include the state attorney’s office, Leon County Sheriff’s Office and Tallahassee Police Department.
